The ReEducation of the Horse
by Aaron The 2nd Trickster Priest
Summary: It's Ranma 12 with a twist. Someone completely crazy as Ranma's father, and a semioriginal plot line. Warning: Enjoyment not guaranteed.
1. Lesson 1

Once, twice, or a few thousand, give or take, upon a time, there was a

thing called anime. An unearthly paradise of gundams, evas, magic girls, pocket

monsters, and heroic boys. or more. I'm not too sure.

The stories were called fanfiction, and a few people called authors who

wrote it.

So, without further ado, it's the usual story with the usual cast, about a boy, his fiancee, his other

fiancee, his other other fiancee, and a bunch of crazy martial artists.

Oh, and a few little extras that throws the whole formula out of whack. Once one thing changes, a whole bunch do. Like

throwing a boulder in a pond, or blowing up a star, the shockwaves will cause

unexpected changes. So, without any further ado, and I seriously mean it this

time, IT's:

The Re-education of the horse

By Aaron the 2nd Trickster Priest

Lesson 1: First impressions! How to deal with Uncute tomboys!

A storm is coming down in the district of Nerima. A cloaked figure and

a whistling figure in a trench coat and duster are walking.

"Old man, you better not be up to something again. Why the hell

couldn't we just stay in china to find a cure?" The whistler

stops.

"Because, kid, I promised an old friend I'd say hi. Plus,

China wasn't exactly the best place to be at that time."

The cloaked figure snorts. "That was your fault all over,

oyaji."

The whistler smiles. "Yours too, bakama." (A/n: Stupid

horse.) The cloaked figure leaps into the air.

"I'm giving you what's coming old man!"

The trench coated guy pulls out a sash from his waist.

"You still have so very much to learn..." He leaps

into the air.

"Tohou Fuhai no ryu, golden rope binder!" He spins the

cloth in a circle. The cloaked figure dodges it.

"Not this time old man!" The cloaked figure darts

inside the trench coated man's defense.

"Got ya." The cloth suddenly contracts and binds him in

a circle expaning up and down to hold his legs and arms. The cloak's hood

comes off revealing a young red headed girl.

"Cheating bastard oyaji!" The other man bonks her on

the back of the head and she droops to unconsciousness.

"Getting better, but still no cigar." He looks at a

map. "Tendo Dojo..., ah, that way." He hefts her over his

shoulder.

Tendo dojo, 10 minutes later

A man with long black hair and a mustache sits at a table smiling and

crying while looking at a letter.

"Soun, bringing the punk from china. Have a warm reception for

Ranma and me. Aaron Saotome."

(At long last, the schools and families shall be joined!) "Kasumi!" A brown haired girl with an apron and a ponytail steps out

from the kitchen.

"Yes father?"

"Tell your sisters to come down, I have an important announcement

to make." She nods and walks upstairs.

"Nabiki, Akane!" A girl with a helmet cut steps out

from a room.

"Yes Kasumi?"

"Oh my, where's Akane?" Nabiki points

downstairs,

"In the dojo, as usual. What's going on?"

"Father is asking all of us to come down for an important

announcement."

Nabiki lifts an eyebrow. "About?" Kasumi blinks.

"He never said." Nabiki shrugs.

"I'll change and be down in a minute." Kasumi

walks down and opens a sliding door, stepping into a dojo.

"Hiyaaaa!" A girl with bluish-black hair in a gi is

breaking bricks.

"Akane!" The girl turns around.

"Yes Kasumi?"

"Father wants all 3 of us to come to the dining room. He says he

has an important announcement to make."

The girl nods. "Ok, just 2 more bricks."

The girls sit down at the table. "My daughters, 16 years ago, I

met a good friend of mine while training in the martial arts. His name was

Aaron. He and

I trained together and became close friends. Upon the completion of our

training, we made a promise that if we had children of the opposite gender, that

they would marry and unite the schools of anything-goes."

"What!"

"Oh my."

"Daddy, please tell you are kidding." Soun shakes his

head.

"It is a matter of honor that one of you fulfill this

pledge." Nabiki shrugs.

"So daddy, where is this friend of yours and his son?"

Soun pulls out the postcard.

"He's been mailing me for a few years telling me about his

training his son Ranma. Recently they went over to China."

"So what's he like?" Soun shrugs. "I

wouldn't know, I've never met him." All 3 girls

facefault.

"You can't make me marry some 'I've never met before! All boys are perverts!" screams Akane. Soun

frowns and a twitch develops on his forehead.

"Now, Akane, there's more to this than mere girlish

whimsy, this is matter of family honor, and I won't have you being rude

to Aaron and his son when they arrive." Nabiki blinks.

"I just realized, a name like Aaron is western, is he a

gaijin?" (A/n; foreigner) Akane stops ranting for a moment.

"I was never able to tell exactly what nationality he is, though

he says he's from America and I know he settled in japan after our

training. So yes, he is a foreigner, and his son would be half Japanese.

Why?"

Nabiki waves him off.

"Oh, no reason."

"Nabiki, you shouldn't judge someone because they

aren't Japanese. He may be a foreigner but we were as close as brothers

and he was a powerful martial artist." He frowns.

"I don't want any of you 3 being rude to them because they

are half Japanese. It would be disgraceful to the family if you acted that

way." Ding dong Kasumi gets up and answers the door.

"Oh my, who might you be?" The trench-coated man bows.

"Aaron Saotome, is Soun Tendo in?" Kasumi nods and

beckons him inside.

"My father is right inside." Aaron bows and steps into

the awning. He doffs his duster.

"I heard that he had 3 daughters, which might you be?"

"Kasumi, Mr. Saotome." Aaron's face is that of a

young man, about early to mid twenties.

"I hate being called that, it makes me feel old before my time.

Anyway, where's Soun? I wanted to surprise the old bugger."

Kasumi frowns.

"It's not nice to say something like that about my father."

"Now now, Kasumi, you don't know him like I do. He's very casual and sometimes rude to friends." Soun says, standing up. Aaron

walks in and drops a bundle on the floor.

"Long time no see Soun. Still fat and out of shape?"

Soun chuckles.

"Not all of us have your energy and dedication to training. I had

3 daughters to look after." Aaron smiles and grabs him in a bear hug.

"Good to see you again, old friend."

"Indeed Aaron." Aaron doffs his jacket and hands it to

Kasumi.

"Sorry for the remark, just wanted to get a rise out of him. We

haven't seen each other in at least 9 or 10 years." He turns to

face Akane and Nabiki.

"Your other 2 daughters, Nabiki and Akane." Nabiki and

Akane bow.

"Nabiki Tendo."

"Akane Tendo"

"Aaron Saotome" He smiles wistfully.

"Strange, they seem so much like Kimiko. Good to see that at

least part of her made it to the next generation, eh Soun?" He blinks

and does a double take at Soun, who is crying and wailing.

"Wahhhhhhh!" He grits his teeth.

"10 years, and he still does this?" He gets up and

slaps him across the face. Akane gets angry and stomps toward him.

"Stay back, this is between us!" Aaron yells.

"I'm disgusted, 10 years and you still haven't

gotten a pair of balls? I know you loved her deeply, but I'm sick of this

whiney ac

t. 10 years ago, I left you alone for a long time, thinking you needed space, now

I see I should have smashed you into the ground. Why even 'HE'

could beat you with a flick of his wrist." He helps him up

"Sorry about that, but you'll thank me later. Way too

annoying for one day." Soun sighs.

"I might have needed that. Anyway, where is your son?"

Aaron snaps his fingers and the cloth unwinds from the bundle and rewinds onto

his hand. He ties the sash around his waist.

"Allow me to introduce my son, Ranma Saotome, heir to my personal

style, the hero slayer style." Akane raises an eyebrow.

"Hero Slayer, that sounds weird." Aaron shrugs.

"I stopped using pure anything goes a long time ago. I used other

techniques, methods and training, and through Ranma, have created a new style.

Ranma is not finished learning it, but he's already quite

formidable."

The red head stirs.

"Get up kid, we're here." She shakes her head

and grumbles abit.

"Damn oyaji, you know that you wouldn't have beat me if

you didn't get me from behind." Aaron chuckles.

"True, you are a lot harder to surprise when you aren't

being stupid and angry." Ranma jumps to her feet.

"You had a lot of nerve bringing me here from China when you and

I both could have stayed there and gotten this taken care of!" Aaron

closes his eyes and sighs.

"Seeing as how you're not going to be angry until you

fight someone, why don't you spar against the heir to the tendo

school?" Akane stands up.

"Hi, I'm Akane, want to be friends?" Ranma

shrugs.

"Ok" They walk into the dojo.

"Aaron, what do think of my daughter?" Aaron purses

his lip.

"Truthfully, I need to see her fight. But I don't hold

much hope of her beating Ranma."

Ranma is standing non-chalantly.

"I'll be the referee for this match, ok?" They

both nod. Aaron lowers his hand.

"Begin." Akane tries a jab at Ranma, who ducks and

throws her. Ranma brushes off his shirt. He makes a come-on gesture. Akane grits

her teeth.

"Hiyaaaa!" She tries a jump kick. Ranma raises an

eyebrow and meets her in mid-air. He jab at her stomach and knocks her down. He

lands lightly on his feet.

"You're not gonna do much if ya don't try

harder." Akane screams in rage.

"This time for real!" She rushes Ranma punching

quickly. Ranma dodges out of the way. He then flips over her.

"Crack shoot!" He jumps and brings down an ax kick on

her shoulder.

"Ahhhhh!" Akane screams and falls to her knees.

"Damn, is that all? I thought you'd be better."

he turns to Aaron.

"Oyaji, what do you think?" Aaron straightens his suit.

"This is a waste of time. Soun, I'm disappointed. If this

is all that your heir can do, then you are either a failure as a teacher or you

deliberately failed to advance her skill." He makes a thumbs down.

"Match Ranma." Ranma stretches out.

"I'm gonna go wash up. Which to the bath?"

Kasumi smiles.

"This way please." She leads her out. Soun explodes in

anger and manifests his demon head.

"What did he do to my baby girl!" Aaron smirks.

"Something you should have done a long time ago. He gave her a good

lesson in humility." He flicks the demon head and deflates it.

"Come on, we'll talk once my son comes down

again." Soun blinks and does a double take.

"Your son? But that was a girl, don't you mean your

daughter?"

"Things are not always what they seem."

Akane walks upstairs. "Cheap shot, that's all it

was. Still... At least it was only to a girl, even if it was to an arrogant

one."

She undresses and grabs a towel. She opens the door, only to see a black haired

youth in the bath. They stare at each other for a moment, then she shuts the

door.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Akane runs downstairs.

"Help! There's a pervert in the bathroom!" Soun

pales.

"It can't be..." He grabs Aaron by the hem of

his vest. "He can't have gotten out!" Aaron slaps his

arms down.

"It's not him, I think I know who it is."

"So, why didn't you smash him?" Akane shakes her

head.

"I got scared!" The black haired youth walks down with

slightly damp hair. Akane turns around.

"You! What did you do to Ranma!" The boy sighs.

"I'm Ranma Saotome, sorry about this." Aaron

stands up.

"I can see that you're all wondering what the hell is

going on. Well, it all started about a month ago..."

Jusenkyo, last month

Aaron is wearing a gi with a bird on the back and wearing shades.

Ranma is also clad in a gi and following him.

"Hey old man, is this the place?" Aaron shakes his

head.

"You ask me that one more time, I'm going to hurt you. I

don't know where the hell we are. The map said that this place finds you,

so we should be there soon." Ranma raises an eyebrow.

"It finds us? Where the hell are you taking us?"

"A legendary training ground, it's called Jusenkyo, the

pools of sorrow." Aaron looks up.

"Ahah! Found it. You see, your old man does know a thing or two

about finding places." Ranma snorts.

"You said it finds us, so what did this have to do with

you?" Aaron grumbles.

"Arrogant pup." A fat chinese man in a maoist uniform

walks out of a hut.

"Hmm, who's there?" he says in chinese.

"We are seeking the cursed springs, are you the guide?"

Aaron yells back in chinese. The guide blinks.

"You are seeking the springs? Most people try to avoid this

place. What is your purpose here?" Aaron waves him off.

"I can understand you, but please use Japanese if you can, my son

doesn't speak Mandarin." The guide nods.

"Honoured custormer is here to train?" Aaron nods.

"Yes, where is the Nyannichuan?" The guide points to a

spring with a sign in Chinese.

"That one, honoured sir." Aaron sets his pack down.

"Come on, kid. Time to warm up and start a new phase of

training." Ranma dumps his pack down.

"Alright, let's go Oyaji." Aaron hops onto one

of the poles, landing lightly. Ranma leaps onto a nearby pole and lands just as

neatly.

"So what's this training about?" Aaron takes a

crane stance.

"Balance, reactions, and unexpected circumstances."

Aaron jumps kicks at Ranma. Ranma flips out of the way, bouncing off a pole and

countering.

"You're not that good anymore old man!" Aaron

exchanges blows with Ranma. He lands on a pole. He snaps his fingers.

"Hero slayer style special technique, mood setter!"

'Burning' starts playing from somewhere.

"Pops, why do you do that?" Aaron shrugs.

"I like good music when I fight. En garde!" He launches

a knife hand at Ranma. Ranma blocks and jumps off the breaking pole.

"God damn it, I'm not done yet!" Ranma ax kicks

Aaron knocking him down. Aaron hits the water.

"Ha! I'm the best!" A figure leaps on the pole.

"You still haven't beaten me, gaki." (A/n: Brat)

Ranma's jaw drops.

"Pops!" Aaron pulls his arm back.

"Evil slash!" He makes a wide side slash with his hand

in a claw shape. The pole suddenly is cut in segments. Ranma falls into the same

spring.

"The road to glory and heroism is paved with suffering.

You're not there yet kiddo." Ranma resurfaces from the water.

"You never teach me those techniques! Of course I can't

beat you!" Aaron snorts.

"You're supposed to make your own up. Besides, some of

these are for my custom style, and I do teach you some. You can name and make up

your own moves too." Aaron nods solemnly.

"My master taught me that. The best moves are

self-created." He looks down and sees Ranma. He starts grinning and

covers his mouth. He starts snickering.

"Tell me Ranma, notice anything different? Feeling your sense of

balance off?" He falls off the pole and lands laughing. Ranma looks in

the water.

"So? I'm a red-head. Who cares?" Aaron rolls on

the floor. He loosens his gi.

"Ranma, look in your shirt." Ranma opens his shirt,

only to see breasts.

"What the fuck? I'm a girl!" Aaron nods.

"Same here. I fell in as well." Ranma twitches.

"Pops!" Aaron waves.

"Biyee" He speeds off, Ranma in pursuit.

Tendo Dojo, back where we started

Akane is growling and clenching and unclenching her hands. Soun rubs

his chin. "So, you both are cursed to transform into women?"

Aaron splashes Ranma with a cup of water and uses one on himself.

"Got it in one, old pal. I'm still a lady killer even like

this." He poses in a masculine manner which looks incongruous to a

b-cup maroon-haired red-head. Everyone present sweatdrops. Soun taps Ranma on

the shoulder.

"Is your father always like this?" Ranma nods.

"He's actually mellowed out abit, thought the curse makes

him even weirder sometimes." Aaron throws ranma out into the koi pond.

"If you're gonna insult me, at least do it to my

face." Ranma spits out the water.

"What did you do that for!"

"Comedic timing, and personal satisfaction." Ranma

whacks Aaron on the head.

"I'm not your straight man!" Aaron punches her

back.

"I'm funnier than you, therefore you are a fall guy and

straight-man!" They start moving faster in midair.

"Still don't have what it takes, punk!"

"Getting better all the time Oyaji!" They break and

bow.

"Not bad." Aaron turns to the stunned Tendos.

"What? This is how we usually settle an arguement. We spar for a

few minutes and let some steam off." Soun nods.

"A wise decision." He claps Aaron on the back.

"Back to what I was saying, your son is engaged to my

daughters." He claps Ranma on the back.

"So son, take your pick. Kasumi, my eldest, is 19, Nabiki, my

middle is, 17, Akane, my youngest, is 16. Choose one to be your

fianc'e9." Ranma blinks.

"Well..." Kasumi and Nabiki shove Akane forward.

"Oh he wants Akane."

"Definetly Akane." Akane blanches.

"Hey!" Kasumi smiles.

"You always say you hate boys."

Nabiki grins. "Well, you're in luck. He's

half-girl." Akane backs away from her sisters.

"Wait a minute! I'm not marrying this pervert!"

Ranma snorts.

"I turned away. You're the one who oggled me."

"It's different when a girl sees a boy!" Ranma

falls over laughing.

"Hahahahah! Yeah right! Pops told me that girls are just as, if

not more perverted than guys!" Akane's jaw drops.

"That's a lie! Boys are the perverts!" Ranma

smirks and wrings out his shirt. She tosses a cup of tea over her head.

"Really? Then explain why you're the one

blushing." Akane turns her blushing face around. Nabiki blushes, but

continues to look. Kasumi licks her lips and blushes.

"Oh my..." Ranma throws his shirt over his back.

"Not only am I better built as a girl, I'm not a sexless

uncute tomboy." Akane screams and throws a table at Ranma flattening

him.

"Stupid pervert!"

"Ow..." Ranma gets up, with a bump on his head.

"You call that an attack? Maybe I shoulda said weakling martial

artist too?" Akane glowers in rage. Aaron taps Soun on the shoulder.

"Is she always like this?" Soun waves him off.

"It's just the energy of youth. They'll grow to

love each other." Aaron sweatdrops.

"Not unless my kid has a closet s&m fetish. Sorry Soun, but

I'm gonna step in." Aaron walks over to Akane, after pouring a

cup of tea over his head.

"Exactly why did you just bash Ranma with a table?"

Akane snarls.

"He's a pervert and he peeped on me!" Aaron

raises an eyebrow.

"He peeped on you, and he took his shirt off to prove a point?

And for that you smashed him?" Akane shakes her head.

"He just said that I was a weak martial artist!" Ranma

snorts.

"You ain't got no control, no ability to gauge your own

strength, and no skill. Of course you're a weakling, compared to

me."

Akane growls and leans to pick up a blunt object to hit ranma with, when Aaron

taps her on the shoulder.

"Hold it. He's got a point. You are a weakling compared to

him." Aaron chuckles.

"If you were my student, I'd have put you through hell to

get rid of that stupid temper tantrum. You are one of the worst excuses for a

martial artist I've ever seen." Akane pulls out a mallet.

"Saotome no baka!" she yells. She attempts to mallet

Aaron.

"Hero Slayer technique, head crusher!" He leaps over

the mallet and lands on Akane's head, knocking her to the ground. He

steps off her.

"Pathedic. You were much too kind, kid." He turns

towards Soun.

"And she's your heir?" Soun glowers in rage and

manifests his demon head.

"HOW DARE YOU HURT MY BABY GIRL?" Aaron

manifests a counter demon head.

"HOW DARE 'YOU' TRAIN THIS GIRL TO TAKE OUT HER

AGGRESSIONS ON PEOPLE! SHE'S NOT ONLY A LOUSY MARTIAL ARTIST, SHE HAS

NO SELF CONTROL! IF THIS IS WHAT THE TENDO BRANCH HAS COME TO, THEN THE

ENGAGEMENT IS OVER!"

Soun's demon head deflates.

"You can't do that! This was an honourable agreement

between sworn brothers!" Aaron sighs.

"I'm sorry my brother, but I will not let my son be

trapped in a love less marriage." Soun thinks for a moment.

"I know! Why don't you train her and make her a better

martial artist?" Aaron's jaw drops.

"Are you nuts! She not only won't listen to me, she has

no respect for anyone!" Soun claps Akane on the shoulder.

"Think about it, you'll give the teaching and guidance

that I wasn't able to. She'll be a better martial artist and wife

when your son picks her!" Aaron narrows his eyes.

"I do hate leaving a challenge undone, so I'll make a

counter deal." He points to Ranma and Akane.

"I'm highly against these two being engaged, so

here's the deal. All 3 get a shot at him, he picks which he wants after

say, a year or so. If none, then the agreement is canceled.

However..."

He points to Akane and makes a cutting gesture over his throat.

"I'm not letting her marry Ranma unless she agrees to be

trained by me, and learn what a real fighter can do. I'll release her

when I think she has enough self-control and discipline. Deal?" Soun

clasps his hand.

"Thank you for this service! I'll never forget

this."

(Soun old pal, you'll be regretting it the moment I start, but too

late now.) f7fs24cgrid0 "f7fs24cgrid0 Kasumi, could you

bring out some sake?" Kasumi nods and walks to the kitchen followed by

Nabiki.

"Mr. Saotome is quite an odd fellow, isn't he?"

Nabiki sighs and nods.

"He's a lot different than I thought he would be. I

expected a martial artist like daddy, not... whatever he is. Scary thing is, I

think he planned at least part of this. Either that or he is really good at

adapting to social situations.

" She shivers.

"Either way, I don't like it."

Next morning,

An alarm clock goes off. An arm reaches out and hits it. Akane

groggily gets up. A loud battle cry is heard.

"Too slow!"

"Get back here and fight, Oyaji!" Akane grumbles.

"What the hell is that?" She opens her window, only to

see Aaron launching a diving kick at Ranma, who blocks and causes Aaron to flip

backwards.

"Here's a new one, gaki. Tatsumaki senpuu Kyaku!"

(A/n: Spinning Hurricane Kick.) Aaron dashes towards Ranma doing a spinning kick

reminiscent of a tornado. Ranma takes 2 hits, then ducks. Aaron floats down.

"You figured out the weakness, good job. That attack can be

ducked, and if you miss, you are vulnerable for a moment." Ranma sweep

kicks him. Aaron falls back, but flips out of the way of Ranma's grab.

"Scissor kick!" Aaron does a scissor kick at Ranma, who

is knocked back.

"Breakfast is ready!" Kasumi calls out. Ranma pauses in

the middle of his throw. Aaron falls onto him.

"Time out, and call it a draw?" Ranma nods. Aaron walks

inside, and whispers something to Kasumi. She nods. Ranma sighs. (Please kami,

don'

t let it be another one of his weird ideas, I just got here...) He trudges in

and sits down. Aaron has a smirk on his face.

"Ok, spill it, what did you do, and what am I stuck doing

now?" Aaron waves him off.

"Hey, most of my ideas are damn good, and they usually work out.

This is something that was unavoidable." Soun clears his throat.

"Son, you're going to school." Ranma sighs in

relief.

"That's all?" Soun blinks.

"What?"

"Usually when he smiles like that, it means another crazy idea,

like that martial arts j-pop dance contest, or one of those ghost exterminating

jobs." The Tendos sweatdrop. Nabiki blinks.

"J-pop? You listen to j-pop?" Ranma shrugs.

"Sorta, I like faster stuff, music you can fight to.

He.." He points to Aaron who is sipping tea.

"Has some very weird tastes in music. I kinda like the merican

Arock stuff, some of it ain't that great though." Aaron shrugs.

"The boy has no taste, not my fault." Ranma shakes his

head.

"That Elvis guy was alright, but that symbol chick..."

"His name is Prince." Ranma blows some air out his

lips.

"Whatever. That chick was weird. I didn't understand even

half of it." Nabiki covers her mouth. Aaron chuckles. Kasumi blinks.

"Nabiki, what is the matter, you look like you're having

trouble breathing." Nabiki explodes into laughter.

"Prince? A girl? Oh god, that's funny!

Hahahahahaha!" She rolls on the ground laughing. Aaron pats Ranma on

the back.

"Prince is a guy, despite the odd dressing style. You'd do

well to learn from his example as far as music goes, not to mention his ability

to attract women like moths to a flame..." Ranma blanches.

"You want me to act like her!"

"Him." Ranma shakes his head.

"No way old man! I am not dressing up like a girl! I'm a

guy dammit!" Nabiki tosses a cup of water on his head.

"You were saying?" Ranma grumbles.

"I'm still a guy dammit." Nabiki grabs

Ranma-chan's breast and squeezes.

"Oh my, that's not proper, Nabiki." says Kasumi.

"You sure you're a guy, you seem to be better built than I

am." Aaron slaps her hand away.

"Hey, no groping my daughter unless she says it's

ok." Ranma nods.

"Yeah, thanks pops..., Wait, daughter? POPS!"

"And if she says ok, then have fun, but try to get a room

first." Ranma tackles her father.

"I'm gonna kill you!" Aaron waves.

"Time for school, kid. Biyeee..." He dodges and pushes

Ranma out the door. Ranma falls and rolls. A pack hits him in the back of the

head. Nabiki runs past him.

"Sorry, can't stay and chat." Kasumi walks out.

"Oh my, you don't know where Furinkan is." She

goes in and come out pulling Akane.

"Akane, why don't you show him where it is?"

Akane blanches.

"Me? Why do I have to show him where it is!" Kasumi

frowns.

"Now Akane-chan, he's a guest here, and he's never

been here before. It wouldn't be polite not to help him." Akane

gulps and nods.

"Alright, Kasumi, I'll do it." Aaron blinks.

"Tendo, are you sure you only taught Akane?" Soun nods.

"Just wondering. I'd hate to see her mad, might be worse

than HIM..." Soun shivers. "Don't mention

that..."

Ranma is walking on the fence.

"Sheesh, the old man never lets up..." Akane frowns.

"What, something on my face?"

"We don't know each other, there is no engagement,

ok?" Ranma shrugs.

"No prob, this whole thing stinks like another one of

Oyaji's plans." Akane blinks.

"What?" Ranma sighs.

"The old man has a knack for screwing around with things and

making me fix them. He usually makes things tougher for me, but on the plus

side, he never does anything dangerous for the most part, just annoying and

aggravating."

Akane grumbles. (Daddy never gave me any training, and I turned out better than

this BOY.) splash Ranma blows air out his lips.

"Luck just ain't with me today. I'm going back to

bed before this day gets worse." Akane grabs his arm.

"Come on, you only need hot water, I know where some

is." She drags him to a place marked "Tofu Clinic."

Ranma sits down in a chair as Akane rummages in the back. (Not much of

a place. Well kept, very little ki signs here.) Ranma suddenly sits up and

throws a punch to the side. His fist connects with a skull and sends it flying.

He pales.

"Oh no... Not skellies again!" A man with glasses and a

friendly disposition steps out from behind the skeleton.

"Oh sorry. I didn't think you'd react that badly to

Betty." Ranma blinks.

"So, it's not an undead skeleton?" Now the man

blinks.

"No it's not. I'm quite certain the undead do not

exist." Ranma shivers.

"You wish. The worst thing about them is they never stay down for

long."

"Dr. Tofu!" Ranma is clonked on the head by a kettle

swung by Akane.

"I was looking for you and didn't see you in the

back." Ranma rubs his head.

"Stupid uncute tomboy..." he grumbles.

"Ranma no baka!" Ranma is clonked out by the kettle.

The man blinks and taps a point on Ranma's back.

"Ouch, what hit me?" The man smiles.

"I'm Dr. Tofu, and I believe Akane here hit you."

"Hey doc? Can you answer a medical question for me?"

Dr. Tofu nods.

"Of course." Ranma takes a thinker pose, and then

stands up.

"Is she showing symptoms of roid rage? Is she really a guy? Does

she have a spell on her that makes her this angry? Is she insane?" He

chuckles.

"Or is she just a raging psycho bitch?" Akane is

putting out enough heat to cause a nuclear reaction. Dr. Tofu thinks for a

moment.

"No to the first one, but it has been some time since her last

exam, I'll take a look then. Hah, definetly no to the second. I'm

also a gynecologist. Hmm, I don't think so, but I don't know much

about magic, I'll need a 2nd opinion to check it. I really hope not, she seems like a normal

teenager." Ranma's jaw drops.

"This is normal?" Tofu nods.

"For Nerima, yes. And last I heard, she is not a raging psycho

bitch, her actions just now notwithstanding. Please apologize for that

remark." Ranma shrugs.

"Ok, so that one was below the belt. Sorry Akane."

Akane grumbles.

"Alright, pervert..." Ranma looks quizzically at her.

"Pervert? What did I do? You walked in on me in the

bath." Akane screams at him.

"You're a boy and you looked!"

"What the fuck kind of logic is that? You were looking a lot

longer than I was!" Akane hits him.

"You're a pervert, don't try to deny it."

"Like you have anything worth seei..." clang! Ranma

goes down again. Dr Tofu coughs. "That may have been

excessive."

Furinkan High, 5 minutes later

"So, what did I do to you that makes you so mad?"

Akane grumbles and looks up.

"It's because..." She breaks into a charge

headlong into a group of guys chanting and getting ready to attack.

"I HATE BOYS!" She kicks one down, pausing to punch

out another. Ranma stands in stupification.

"Well, at least she had a reason." He winces seeing a

guy get hit in the nads. He starts walking in, watching the fight from the

sidelines. Nabiki is talking with someone, then turns and spots him.

"Hey Saotome." She walks over with a smile on her face,

pocketing something.

"You seem surprised. I know I am, I was expecting you to jump

in." Ranma shakes his head and points his thumb at Akane.

"No need, she's got it covered. Plus, she fights dirty,

and I'd rather not get hit there." Nabiki blinks, then makes an

o sign with her mouth and nods.

"I can understand that. Seems like your fight with her

didn't slow her down much." Ranma shrugs.

"Doesn't matter. Hey, are there any tough guys here? I can

feel at least one fighter." Nabiki blinks and looks around.

"Toughest guy in the school would probably be that guy in the

hakama. Tatewaki Kuno, head of the kendo team." Ranma puts a hand over

his eyes to block out the sunlight.

"Why is he throwing a rose to your sister?"

"Stupidity, and I think a masochism fetish."

"Maso what?" Nabiki snickers.

"It means he likes being hit and in pain." Ranma

shudders.

"Sounds like oyaji." Nabiki's jaw drops.

"He's a masochist?" Ranma nods.

"Yeah, he always likes fighting really strong fighters,

especially ones who can knock him down." Nabiki coughs.

"Um, that describes almost every high level martial artist out

there." Ranma scratches his chin.

"So martial artists are masochists?" Nabiki raises a

finger, but then stops.

"Actually, maybe they are. Or maybe just the ones around

here." Ranma waves and walks off.

"I'm gonna be late, so talk to ya later." He

walks by Kuno and Akane.

"He overextends a lot, try and hit him when's he's

vulnerable." Akane throws a bookbag at Ranma.

"I don't need your advice!" Ranma turns and

catches it.

"How many of these do you have?" He gently throws it

back.

"Halt foul knave!" Ranma stops.

"Me?" Kuno draws his bokken.

"Yes you. You are being overly familiar with Akane Tendo. Who are

you?"

"Well, I'm.." Kuno puts a hand forward.

"Ah, but it is customary to give one's own name

first." He raises his bokken to the sky.

"The great hero of the people, the captain of the kendo team, the

rising star of the martial arts world, I am Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of

Furinkan High!" Thunder clashes. Ranma looks up.

"Nice trick." The sky is mostly clear.

"Blue thunder?" One student says to another.

"I thought he was the shooting star." Kuno points his

bokken at Ranma.

"Now who are you?" Ranma scratches the back of his

neck.

"Flashy entrance. Gonna be hard to top that." He

whispers to himself.

"The heir to the hero slayer school of anything goes, Ranma

Saotome." He says out loud flashing a lady killer grin.

"Oh he's dreamy!"

"What a hunk!"

"Too bad He's fighting Kuno." Kuno snorts.

"A mere peasent like you could never compare to the scion of

House Kuno." Ranma takes a stance.

"I'd rather not be late, so can we fight

already?" Kuno thrusts towards Ranma.

"Silence knave! I have not finished describing my

greatness!" Kuno pulls out a rose and tosses it to Akane.

"A token of my eternal devotion to thee, my fiercesome

tigress." Akane crunches it.

"Not interested, Kuno sempai. (A/n: upperclassman)"

Kuno haughtlly turns back, only to see Ranma has already walked in.

"Foul coward! You dare to leave while my back is

turned!" He sees a note on the ground.

"If you want a challenge, I'm free at lunch. If not today,

then I'm staying at the Tendo dojo. By the way, look at the back of your

shirt."

Kuno moves his head to try and see the back of his shirt, but fails. He spins

trying to see the back of his shirt, and falls down dizzy.

"Foul sorcerer..." The back of the hakama reads:

"boring"

Class, 5 minutes later

Ranma is standing at the front of the class.

"Well, introduce yourself." says the teacher in a bored

tone.

"I'm Ranma Saotome, heir to the Hero Slayer school.

I'm a martial artist and I've been training for most of my life. I

also like to play vid

eo games, sports with other people, and fight good opponents. The name of my

style was chosen by my dad, the master of it, don't ask me why."

Tendo Dojo

Aaron's ear twitches. (Hmm. Mental note. Extra long sparring

tomorrow for Ranma.)

Soun taps him on the shoulder.

"Old friend, what's wrong?" Aaron shrugs.

"Parental senses going off. I'm fairly sure the boy was

saying I was crazy again. Your move." Soun moves his go piece.

"I think you are trapped."

"Wise man say, man who think he win, but then fuck up and lose,

eat much crow in the end." Aaron makes a move.

"Your turn." Soun makes another move.

"Got ya." Aaron makes a third move.

"Oh, good. But what can you do about this?" Soun makes

a counter move.

"Oh crap." The go board is nearly filled with pieces,

and there seems to be a tie.

"Re-match?" Soun nods.

"Very well." (Next time, something I'm

moderately good at. I never fucking win at games like this!)

Furinkan High

Ranma sits bored in his seat. (Boring... Someone do something.) He

yawns.

"Since you seem so bored Mr. Saotome, can you answer the question

posed by the english phrase on the board?" Ranma looks.

"There are 50 stars on the US flag." he says in lightly

accented english. The class stares at him.

"What? Dad's from the US, of course I'd learn

english. I know decent Chinese too." The teacher says something in

Chinese.

"Oh yeah? Well fuck you and your mother. Just because I'm

half gaijin doesn't mean that you can look down on me."

"Get in the hall!" Ranma walks out. Akane snickers.

"Since you seem to be enjoying yourself Ms. Tendo, you may join

him." Akane stares openmouthed. Out in the hall, Akane glares at

him.

"This is all your fault." Ranma shrugs.

"He asked for it." Akane glares again.

"What did he call you anyway?"

"half-breed bastard." Akane blinks.

"Oh..." Ranma nods solemnly.

"Most people are nice in this country, but a few are pretty nasty

sometimes. Not a lot, but some of the older people are extremely vicious towards

those of us considered 'impure'." Akane nods glumly.

"So, why was the crazy sword guy attacking you?" Akane

glowers.

"That idiot Kuno made a proclamtion that anyone who wanted to

date me had to defeat me in combat." Ranma sweatdrops. (That sounds

scarily familiar...)

"I WILL NOT PERMIT IT!" a voice roars out. Students

crowd out into the hallway, and see Kuno pointing his bokken at Ranma. Ranma

stares at him.

"What did I do?"

"Silence Foul sorcerer! I will not permit your engagement to

Akane!" Kuno bellows.

"Engagement!"

"Akane's not a dyke?"

"Lucky bitch!"

"Ohhhh... why does she have all the good-looking guys after

her?" Ranma puts down the buckets gingerly.

"It was my crazy old man's idea, I don't want to

marry an uncute tomboy." An empty bucket whizzes by his head.

"Hey watch it! You want me to get wet here!" Kuno

slashes at Ranma.

"I will avenge your insults against the fierce tigress by

dispatching you!" Ranma ducks and slides back.

"Can we fight elsewhere? We don't have any room

here."

"Lead on, knave." Ranma hops out the window.

"I follow!" Akane yells at them.

"This is the third floor, you dolts!"

"I know, I could survive a fall from there anyway." a

voice rings out. Akane looks out and sees Ranma hanging on the ledge.

"Yeah, but could Kuno? You could have seriously hurt him and

yourself!" Ranma shakes his head.

"I saw that guy, he's tough enough to be ok from one more

floor up." A student looks out.

"He fell in the pool." Ranma shivers. (Close call...)

"Thanks for worrying about me," Akane stammers.

"Well, I..."

"Of course, not like a crazy chick like you would have thought of

that." Akane shrieks and punches him out the window.

"Then why don't you join him, jerk!" Ranma falls

towards the water. (Looking back, that was stupid.) He hits with a loud splash.

He, now she, sees Kuno floating face down in the pool. She grabs him and drags

him to the edge.

"I hope you appreciate this, you lousy punk." Kuno

coughs up some water, and stares at Ranma chan. Ranma-chan blinks. Kuno glomps

onto her.

"Oh my fiery pigtailed water angel, you have saved me from the

foul sorcerer. I shall reward you by allowing you to date me!" He

squeezes Ranma-chan's breasts. Ranma-chan's face turns apple red.

"You... PERVERT!" She winds back a fist.

"Oni Yaki!" She uppercuts him with a spinning uppercut.

He flies into the air. Ranma-chan shudders. She then runs off into a nearby area

with trees. Akane runs down the stairs after her.

"Did you see that?"

"Saotome decked Kuno!"

"Did he look shorter to you?" Ranma grumbles.

"Stupid curse... Where's hot water when I need

it?" Nabiki pops out and waves a kettle around. Ranma relaxes and

smiles. (Maybe she's not so bad.)

"Can I borrow that?" Nabiki hands him the kettle. Ranma

turns the kettle upside down over his head with an elated smile, only to feel

nothing.

"Hey, it's empty. What the hell?" Nabiki looks

and holds up a tea cup. "Oops, forgot that I used it for tea

already." Ranma-chan hits a hand to her fist.

"Damn it. Bite me Nabiki." She stalks off and flips her

the bird. The student body stares in shock, and then starts laughing.

"Hey people! I just talked to her, and she's single and

horny! Guys, this is your big chance!" Ranma freezes and turns around.

"You wouldn't do that to me, would you?" She

does a puppy eyes trick. Nabiki smirks and flips her off. Ranma facefaults.

"You really suck." The hentai horde looks around, and

sees that every other member is back on their feet.

"Hey!"

"She's mine!"

"Fat chance!"

"I'm taking those gorgeous tits for myself!"

"Screw you!"

"That piece of ass is mine!" The guys start dog piling

each other.

Ranma chan sweatdrops. (I think I better run...) She starts tiptoeing away.

"Hey, she's running!"

"Don't girls like it when guys chase them?"

"Yeah!" Ranma chan's jaw drops.

"This is the worst day of my life..." Akane pipes up.

"What about the curse?"

"Ok, 2nd worse day." Ranma pauses.

"No, third. Oyaji's training and skellies are

2nd." Ranma-chan starts running.

"HELP!" The horde and a revived kuno pursue her.

"Fear not my fair pig tailed goddess! I shall save you from these

lesser ruffians!" Nabiki walks over to the nearby shade of a tree, and

immediately falls down laughing.

"Hahahahahahaha! God that was funny!" Akane looks

skeptically at her sister before chuckling.

"Alright, I admit he asked for it. But don't you think

that's going too far?" Nabiki dries her eyes and stop laughing.

"Maybe, but it was worth it. Though, I could swear she was

smiling at part of it." Nabiki smirks.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say that you were

falling for the pig tailed moron." Akane blanches and blushes.

"I am not! And besides, he's had a tough time in places

like here. He's a half breed you know." Nabiki stops and

thinks.

"I had guessed he was. Oh well, he'll probably forgive me

for it." Ranma-chan runs by.

"I'm not mad at you for this, but next time give me some

warning!" She kicks off the head of one student and jumps over the

wall.

"Screw this! I'm out for the day!" Nabiki

shrugs.

"See? No harm done." The student body swarms Nabiki.

"Foul mercenary! I demand pictures and measurements of the pig

tailed goddess!"

"I want her number!"

"Give an autographed 8x10 glossy!"

"What's her shoe size!" The group pauses and

looks at the one guy who said that.

"I have a foot fetish..." he says while looking down.

The bidding resumes. Nabiki gets yen signs in her eyes. (This could be the

beginning of a beaauuuutiful friendship.)

"One at a time! Now, I'll have information and photos by

the end of the week! Wait until then, alright?" She grabs Akane by the

shoulder.

"Let's go sis." They start walking home.

"Nabiki, is it just me or are things getting weirder around

here?" Nabiki shrugs.

"I don't know, it seems just a little bit off from normal to me.

Besides, what's the worse that could happen?" An ominous storm

is heard.

Tendo Dojo

Aaron shivers. "Tendo."

"Yes saotome?"

"I got the feeling I get when someone is tempting fate. Things

are gonna change around here." Aaron lies back. "On the plus

side, Ranma will get a lot of training. On the minus..., Actually there is no

minus, since I'

ll probably have some fun too." Kasumi walks in.

"Dinner is ready, Uncle Saotome, Father." Aaron kips

up.

"Enough philosophy, time to eat. As a great man once said,

'shit happens, so why worry too much about it?' right

Soun?" Soun laughs and looks over at the dojo.

"Isn't that your son on the floor passed out?"

Aaron looks.

"Yep, I better give him some ki and heal him abit." He

sits next to ranma and an energy field surrounds him. Ranma glows in unison. The

glow fades and Aaron sags back. Ranma yawns and sits up.

"Thanks pops, didn't need too much of it, I was just tired

from running all over Nerima today." Aaron raises an eyebrow.

"Endurance training?" Ranma shrugs.

"Sorta. Nabiki got a bunch of idiots from school to chase me in

my girl form cause I flipped her off." Aaron covers his mouth and

steps outside. Ranma stands up and listens.

"Ahahahahahaha!" Ranma glowers.

"Pops! Get back here and taste my foot up your ass!"

"Not a chance in hell." Ranma and Aaron start fighting.

A dust cloud springs up.

"Dinner time!" They pause, and Ranma is biting

Aaron's leg and Aaron is bending Ranma's leg.

"What say we cut this till tomorrow?"

"Sure." they stop and walk back in.

End Chapter 1.

A/n: Well, here's my 2nd fic. A Self insert. Flame away. I'm not omnipotent, overpowered, "OMG it's a mary sue god author

fic" kind of guy. I'm more skilled than ranma right now, but

he's not too far back. We have different styles and I'm better than Ranma in some areas, as he is better than me in some things. Thanks for

reading. Leave a nice review, or blast me with a flame. But leave something.

Thanks to my editor, Lord Aries Greymon, and my pre-readers Buds, Mike and

others. So long till next c

hapter. Next time: Lesson 2: Directions for Dummies! How to make friends and

influence people! See ya soon. Kudos to anyone who spots where I stole the opening line for this from.


	2. Lesson 2

Well, it's been a long time coming. But here we are. A new chapter. My computer basically got zapped, so I'm stuck with working with another computer. So here we go again! :D

Onto review questions.

Dogbertcarroll: I understand and agree. But a parallel course need not be the same. and things will start shifting around.

Goku: Oh he is stronger. But he's got other and in some ways, more difficult problems to deal with.

Light: Better? Perhaps. ;)

Regarding the formatting: The system fucked up my format and it took me a few hours to get it fixed. Props to my last editor on that one.

That's another thing. I had to fire yet another editor, so the position is open again. Mostly just fixing spacing and breaking up paragraphs, but some spelling and grammer too.

So without further ado, here's Chapter 2 of The Re-education of the Horse.

Re-education of the horse

Lesson 2: Directions? We don't need no stinking directions!

Ranma looks up blearily as the light pierces his eyes. "Damn sunlight..." he mutters.

"Oh I don't know, I find it invigorating."

Ranma turns to see his father in sweatpants and no shirt, hanging upside down from the ceiling. He pulls a pillow over his head.

"It's 6am, go to hell pops."

Aaron flips out from the ceiling and lands next to the sleeping bag. "Been there, done that. You on the other hand, are about to receive a gift."

He lifts Ranma up. "When someone ambushes you in your room and you actually wake up and see them, don't fucking go back to sleep."

He jumpkicks Ranma through the open window into the nearby Koi pond. With a loud splash, Ranma bursts onto the surface of the pool.

"ASSHOLE! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!?"

"Dramatic value, and it was funny," Aaron says with an incredibly smug and stupid grin.

Ranma blinks. "What?"

"Distractions are a sure-fire way to get your ass beat. And your shirt's wet."

Ranma looks down while Aaron, seeing her reaction, jumps into the air and goes into a diving kick and Ranma takes a shot to the head. She jumps into the air, grabs Aaron and throws him down into the pool.

"You are a evil bitch sometimes, you know that," she growls.

Aaron throws a punch, which is in turned blocked by a forearm from Ranma. "I've been called worse. And evil is a matter of opinion."

Ranma launches a knee towards Aaron's stomach, only to have it blocked by Aaron lifting her leg and blocking with her knee. Ranma tries to dislocate Aaron's leg by wrapping it with her own. Aaron blocks the attempt with a spin.

"You're getting better. Let's kick it up a notch. Rising tackle!"

Aaron breaks out of the hold and flips upside-down, and goes into a spin with her legs kicking in the air and her arms spinning as a whirl of punches. Ranma goes flying into the wall.

"Your turn. Show me what I just did," Aaron declares. Ranma grumbles and goes into a stance.

"Rising tackle!" she shouts as she flips upside-down and attempts to emulate the move, only to have her balance screw up midway and land on her head. Aaron shakes his head.

"Ok, here's what you did wrong. You need to focus your ki into your legs and arms. You don't need to focus into your stomach as much, the balance has to be near your feet with the centrifugal force generated from your spin providing the force for your arms."

Ranma scratches the back of her neck. "Why not just focus the ki into your arms as well?" she asks.

Aaron shakes her head and tosses Ranma a towel. "Doesn't work. Without a heavy influx of ki into the legs, you'll thrash the tendons, or worse, you'll give the opponent an opening to shred your legs. It's as much for your protection as it is for damage."

Ranma grabs the towel from her 'father'. "So can't I just stick with the shoryuken? It's got better protection on the actual strike."

Aaron bops Ranma on the head.

"Because, Bakama, uppercut techniques suffer from one common weakness. You're committing to an uppercut or something like it, leaving you vulnerable if you miss or if your opponent has a counter. Using the same technique will only give them your timing and a way to counter it." She tosses Ranma a shirt. "And the Rising Tackle is good because it's hard to find the weakspot due to the spinning and the nature of the attack."

Ranma pulls the shirt over her head, with some difficulty. "How come I got the life-preservers and you get the decent sized ones? My back kills me every time I fight for awhile in this form."

A large alarm clock bonks off his head.

"Stop griping about it! You have better breasts than most real girls!" Akane yells out the window, with her hair frazzled.

"Like you have to worry about that! Yours are barely a quarter the size of mi...ow!"

A tapping sound is heard as Nabiki dressed in a large T-shirt and little else, her eyes bloodshot and angry, and Kasumi, in a flattering purple nightgown with a strained smile on her face, stand in the doorway.

"Mr. Saotome, can you please try and make your practice sessions later in the day?"

"Saotome, you owe me a large pot of coffee and 2000 Yen for waking me up before 7."

Ranma sighs and trudges inside. She pulls down some coffee beans and starts settting up the grinder. "Black, cream, or milk?" Nabiki smiles lightly.

"Cream, stud. And Kasumi takes hers with 2 cubes of sugar."

Ranma yawns and gives a thumbs up. After a few minutes, the beep of the machine tones. He hands two mugs to Kasumi and Nabiki and starts walking up the stairs. "I'm gonna go wash up before school starts. Can you please tell me when breakfast is?"

Kasumi takes a sip of the coffee her eyes widen for a moment, and she settles into a serene smile. "Of course Ranma-Kun."

Ranma returns to his trek to the bathroom. Nabiki looks quizzically at her elder sister. "What changed your tune?"

"An excellent cup of coffee, dear sister. And a very cute butt, if you had been paying attention," Kasumi says after taking another sip.

Nabiki looks up at the ascending Ranma. "Good point." She slugs down another cup of coffee. "Both are good for the body, and the soul."

A sound of a flame flaring up rings out behind them. Aaron is sitting at the table, smoking a small cigarette. "Kid always was good at mixing a mean cup of joe. A bit of ki-infusion works wonders."

Kasumi frowns. "Mr. Saotome, please do not smoke in the living room."

Aaron chuckles. "This is not a cigarette, despite certain people being unable to properly define it."

A rock hits him on the head.

"Getting back to what I was saying..." he looks around in preparation for another rock, "this is what commonly known as a spliff."

Akane comes down the stairs, dressed in sweats. "What the heck is that smell?"

Aaron blows a smoke cloud at her. "You're too young to appreciate it. Though on a hunch, your sisters might be in need of it."

Nabiki snaps her fingers. "Now I remember what that smell is. So Mr. Saotome, does daddy know you're a drug-user?" Aaron's shades fall down a space. "What the hell? What drugs? I'm not using anything at the moment." He pauses. "At least, I don't think I'm using anything. I don't remember last night very well, so who knows?"

A general facefault ensues.

"Besides, anyone who thinks weed is a drug needs to get high at least once." He grins. "I'm told it's good for PMS."

Kasumi puts a hand to her mouth, Nabiki snickers and Akane's jaw drops.

"Mr. Saotome, how can you advocate drug use?"

Aaron sighs. "It's not a damn drug, it's an herb. Hell, my wife uses it on occasion and when she gave birth to Ranma. Still damn near crushed my hand though..."

Akane shakes her head and goes upstairs. Aaron takes another toke, but then pauses. "She wouldn't be that stup..." he stops, and chuckles. "Law of inverse perversion."

Nabiki taps him on the shoulder. "And just what is that?"

"However much some people protest that they aren't perverts, they always seem to get into situations where they are accused as such."

A scream is heard followed by a yell of "PERVERT!" then "YOU WALKED IN ON ME!", and finally a resounding smash echoes through the house. Kasumi sighs. Aaron smirks. "Case in point."

Somewhere in Kenya...

A mob of protestors are gathered outside a police station. The sign (A/N: translated from the Kenyan into English for the readers) read: "Get out Nbuki!" "Democracy in Kenya!" and "We want REAL elections!"

The police are having difficulty controlling things. A captain finishes talking on his radio: Alright men, we have no choice. Prepare the tear gas."

He wipes his forehead. "Damn summer heat. And may god help us if any reporters are there..." he paused when he heard a loud crash. "What was that?"

Another loud crash, this time closer, is heard.

"You men hear that?"

One of them cups a hand around his ear. "Sounds like it's coming from underground."

A massive boom is heard as the ground collapses forming a large hole. A black-haired asian teenager with a yellow bandana with black spots crawls out. "YES! I'M FREE! I'M BACK ON THE SURFACE!!"

A man-sized creature with fur and claws is gnawing on his leg. "Get off! I've had it with you guys!" He kicks the creature back into the hole. More of the creatures swarm at his legs. He reaches into a large backpack on his back, and withdraws a bamboo umbrella. "I said, GO TO HELL!!" He then uses his one arm to wack the creatures off him back into the hole, while still holding himself over the ledge with one arm.

Once the creatures are gone, he sticks the umbrella back onto his back, and pulls himself up. "Stupid mole-men. That's the last time I use that method in Canada." he says in accented English. He kicks the ground near the hole, and the hole starts collasping onto itself.

The police are flabbergasted. "Where did you come from, and how did you get into a secure compound, through solid concrete?!" the captain yells.

Ryoga looks around and notices where he is. "Excuse me, do you know where Tokyo is?"

"Boy, are you crazy?! You're in Kenya. Tokyo is about 2000 miles that way."

Ryoga starts walking in the opposite direction. The Captain scratches his head.

"I thought I'd seen everything in this country..."

A lieutenant pokes the Captain in the shoulder.

"What?"

"Sir, that boy just tore the front gate open with his bare hands."

"Lieutenant, as I see, we had a freak earthquake and a faulty foundation. We will NOT report that some Asian kid popped up from a hole in the ground and tore through concrete. IS THAT CLEAR?!"

The officers salute. "Sir, yes sir!"

Meanwhile, said asian kid is wandering through downtown Nairobi. "Ranma, this time...you won't escape me!"

Back in Japan, several hours later.

Ranma groggily attempts to stare at the board while the history teacher drones on about World War 2.

"Mr. Saotome, since you seem to be grasping the lesson so well, would you mind telling me who the Prime Minister was during WW2?"

"Hideki Tojo."

"Alright, who were his counterparts in the Axis?"

"Mussolini and Hitler."

The teacher growls. "Alright then, since you seem to know everything, who was responsible for the Holocaust?"

"Germany. But Japan's hands aren't exactly clean either."

The classroom gasps when they heard this, looking back at the teacher, who suddenly began looking dangerous.

The Teacher walks up to Ranma's desk. "Care to repeat that statement?"

Ranma stands up. "Yep. Japan did almost as much violation of rights as the Nazi's. They just didn't kill as many."

"Get out of my classroom!"

Ranma flips him the bird. "Gladly. Anyone who has the WW2 Japanese flag on his briefcase is someone my pops would say is a pig."

"THAT DOES IT! YOU'RE SUSPENDED FOR 3 DAYS!!"

Ranma non-chalantly walks out the door. The bell for lunch rings. Akane dashes out the room. The gossip begins after she leaves.

"Did you hear that?"

"No, what?"

"Saotome flipped off Mr. Tagawa."

"No way!"

"Yeah, Tagawa suspended him."

About 5 minutes later, the gossip reaches the Ice Queen of Furinkan.

"Really? He actually said that?"

Her lieutenant nods.

"Tagawa was outraged. He's threatening to call the board of education. Said 'Saotome is a disgrace to the students of Japan.' Should we do something?"

Nabiki shakes her head. "Tagawa is a loon. It's just that most students here don't talk back to his garbage." She blinks as something hits her. "Wait, did he say his father would call Tagawa a pig?"

The girl nods.

"So he was taught to be this way...interesting," the Ice Queen ponders. She suddenly gets up from her seat. "I'm going to go see where he went. Knowing him, he's probably grabbing some lunch from the cafeteria before he leaves."

Furinkan Cafeteria

Ranma is looking over the lunches. He then sneezes. "Wonder who's talking about me now?"

The lunch lady gives him a flat stare. "Are you going to order, or not?" she asks.

Ranma glances down, and then returns her gaze. "I'll try the special."

"ONE SPECIAL!"

A nearby student grasps his stomach in pain. A girl next to him holds his arm.

"What's wrong, Saburo?" the girl asks.

"I don't know, my stomach is killing me..." Saburo grimaces. A strange movement appears to be taking place in Saburo's stomach. He looks down, only to see _something_ trying to go through his stomach. Ranma's pigtail goes straight up.

"Um...what did he order?" he asks the lunch lady.

She looks up from her preparations. "The special."

Ranma blanches. "I'll take the soup instead."

Saburo screams as a strange alien organism bursts through his stomach. The creature's flat curved skull is dripping with stomach acids and blood, and it's small legs and arms are set in an attack posture.

"Oh no..."

He falls down. The small creature, pulls itself out and looks menacingly at the crowded students. It then pulls out a tophat and cane. From somewhere in the room, a ragtime beat starts playing. "Hello my baby! Hello my honey! Hello my ragtime gal!"

It starts dancing along the table.

"Send me a kiss by wire, baby my heart's on fire!"

Somehow, despite it's skeletal structure, the creature begins doing high kicks down the table. "If you refuse me, honey you'll lose me, then you'll be left alone!"

It begins going backwards down the table, with several shocked students looking on.

"Oh baby, telephone, and tell me I'm your own!" The music builds to a crescendo and ends. The creature takes a bow, then darts into a hole in the wall. Ranma blinks twice, then vanishes with a whoosh, leaving behind a hole in the wall.

Furinkan front gates, about 3 mins later...

Ranma is looking around nervously. He breathes out slowly. "Next time, I'm gonna ask Kasumi where a good place to eat is."

"RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!"

Ranma blinks in surprise, and looks around. He then shrugs. "Ok, who did my pops screw over this time?"

"YOU MORON, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO RAN AWAY!"

Ranma looks around for the voice shouting at him. A shadow appears above him. Ranma looks up, then flips out of the way of the oncoming attack. The spot where he was standing is now a crater, with a young man in a yellow tunic, spotted bandana and a furious expression on his face.

"I've finally found you, Ranma Saotome."

Ranma scratches the back of his head. "I have the strangest feeling I should know you."

The bandanaed youth facefaults into the crater.

"YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT OF OUR MATCH THAT EASILY, YOU COWARD!"

Ranma takes up a stance. "Coward? I don't take that lying down. But...I really feel like I should know you."

"IT'S RYOGA, DAMN IT! From junior high?" Ryoga yells out with a non-plussed expression.

Ranma's face lights up. "How long has it been, few years?"

"3-4 years since then. But I'm not going to forgive you for running out on our match because of our past friendship."

Ranma settles back into his previous stance. "Pops always says some fights can't be ignored. Let's rock."

Ranma makes a come hither gesture. Ryoga charges at him. Ranma tries a leg sweep, Ryoga counters by jumping over it and kicking at Ranma's head. Ranma swings his head out of the way, and grabs Ryoga's leg, tossing him aside. Ryoga regains his balance with a quick flip.

Ranma tries a jab and roundhouse combo, but Ryoga takes the opportunity to go inside and take a few shots at Ranma's spleen. Ranma grimaces, then rabbit punches Ryoga in the throat. Ryoga gasps for air, only for Ranma to start hammering him on the chest with rapid straights. Ranma overextends himself on one straight, which Ryoga capitalizes on by pulling him close and headbutting him.

They both step back abit. Ranma is rubbing his side, and Ryoga has a bloody lip. "I think we're warmed up enough." Ranma says with a grin. Ryoga shows a fang on his own grin and nods. "So why the prepare to die speech?"

"Seemed like a good way to get your attention." Ranma sighs upon hearing that.

"The old man has a bad habit of siccing weirdoes on him as 'training.' " Ranma looks around and sees a sizable crowd has gathered.

Ryoga hits his arms together. "The only thing that will make my winning better, is seeing you get humiliated by all these people."

"I got 500 yen on the new kid!"

"Are you crazy, the odds are 4-1 against him!?"

Ryoga facefaults.

"HEY! Why do I get 4-1 odds?"

Nabiki pops her head out of the crowd.

"More profitable and everyone already knows Ranma will win."

Ryoga shakes with visible anger. "DONT UNDERESTIMATE ME!"

He grabs a nearby tree, and uproots it with one hand gripping the bark. He throws it at Ranma, who cocks back a fist.

"Burn knuckle!" he shouts as he dashes forward, his fist impacting the tree in mid-flight. A hole explodes outward from the point of impact, and the tree crashes down where it was struck.

The crowd is awe-struck. Ryoga on the other hand is cracking his knuckles.

"So you want me to give it my best huh? You're not the only one with special techniques."

He takes off a few bandanas, with one still left on his head.

"What's he doing?" someone whispers in the crowd.

Ryoga sets them spinning with a flick of his fingers. "Now, witness the bandana barrage, one of the Hibiki family secrets!" Ryoga throws 3 at Ranma, who stands still letting them pass him. He turns around and blinks seeing one slice through a tree, and another take a gouge out of concrete. He turns back to Ryoga.

"Wow. Who taught you that one?"

"Already said it, it's a family technique. Now try dodging six."

He takes off six bandanas and starts throwing them at Ranma. Ranma weaves through them dashes up to Ryoga. Ryoga hits the ground in front of him, obscuring himself with a burst of dirt from his strike. Ranma closes his eyes to protect them. Ryoga goes into a spin kick at Ranma, nailing him in the side.

Ranma blinks to clear his eyes, just barely seeing Ryoga go into a 2nd spin kick. Ranma counters with his own, both their legs up into the air.

"Still think you can take me down like junior high?" Ryoga growls.

"Anytime you want to step up, you're going back down," Ranma snarls back.

Ryoga pulls off a bandana, only for Ranma to sidestep the descending ax kick after having broken the stalemate and landing an elbow in Ryoga's solar plexus. Ryoga gasps for air, then roars with anger as he throws Ranma into the air with one hand.

"Tatsumaki Senpu Kyaku!" Ranma goes into a spin kick and spins through the air towards Ryoga. Ryoga pulls his belt off in a single motion, and grabs Ranma's leg with it.

"I can't believe you were that stupid." Ryoga yanks on the belt and throws Ranma towards the school walls. Ranma focuses ki into his legs and bounces off the wall, breathing hard. Ryoga is grimacing and smiling at the same time.

"You can barely stand. How can you win against me?"

Ranma checks his legs for injuries. He then nods and stands up. "You're as damaged as I am right now." Ranma starts walking towards him. "Let's finish it in one strike."

Nabiki looks on from the sidelines. "Girls, keep watching, it appears to be almost over."

"Ma'm, the bets are currently favoring Ranma by a slight margin. But the new boy Ryoga had a large wager placed on him by Kuno."

Nabiki turns around. "How much?"

"20,000 yen."

Nabiki gives a flat stare.

"How long ago did he place that bet?"

"Just before Ranma was sent flying to the wall."

Nabiki sighs. "We can't do anything to affect the fight at this point, so just pray the gods of luck are favoring us."

"The gods favor those who are their champions and declare themselves as such. They could never turn against one as favored as me." Kuno says with an air of nobility as he walks up. Nabiki reviews her notes on the bets.

"So why did you bet on Ryoga, Kuno-baby?"

"Simple, one as fierce as him is surely blessed by the gods as I am, though his blessings are not as magnificent and generous as mine," he says while sniffing a rose.

Nabiki snickers and holds up a hand mirror. "Is that why they marked you with 'Dumbshit' on your forehead?"

Kuno glances at the image and 'hmphs' at it. "A true warrior would have used caligraphy, not english."

Ryoga punchs a hand into his palm. "Get up, my victory isn't complete until you surrender or you're unconscious."

Ranma chuckles.

"What's so funny?"

Ranma shakes his head. "I missed this. It's just like when we were in junior high." He stands up and stretches his arms and legs. "I haven't been able to fight someone who was a near equal for awhile."

A voice suddenly takes Ranma by surprise. "If husband want beating that badly, then Perfume will oblige!"

Ranma blahches and looks around. "Oh god no, I left them back in China!"

"Who's Perfume?" a student asks.

"I don't know, a supermodel?" Random Student #2 answers.

"I'm up here!" a voice cries out from above. The student body looks up, seeing a chinese brunette in a blue pantsuit with another chinese girl with purple hair and two bonbori.

"Nihao Airen, long time no see." The brunette draws out a small ax. "Running out on Amazon wife very very bad thing." she says with a sinister smile.

Ranma smacks his forehead. "Awwww shit..."

A/N: Well, it was a long and difficult struggle. But eventually my muse won out. I posted a small chapter. I hate doing that, but I had to end this one and start on something different for the next chapter. Sometimes, you just can't write anymore. shrugs Been awhile since I wrote, but I'm happy to say I am finally back and I feel like churning out a few chapters. Woot.

New announcement: thanks to a friend of mine, I was able to get this chapter fixed and posted properly. I think you can all judge it in it's true character now. Mad props to my good friend, Demon Eyes Laharl.

"Uh... hey, guys. DEL here. Yeah, as you know, I'm unofficially AWOL because of very good PS2 games like Arcana Hearts, Mana Khemia and Persona 3: FES. But... when I saw Aaron's new chapter, unedited... I had to step in. Anyways... hopefully, you can enjoy the fic chapter fully without being reminded of blocks. Or LEGOs. XD.

thanks Budsy. :D


	3. Lesson 3

Reviews to be answered:

Re-education of the horse, Lesson 3: Mating customs of the chinese amazons. Or, Amazons just want Snoo-snoo.

Recap: Last time on Re-education of the horse, Ranma got in trouble at school, again. This time, he was suspended. While fleeing from the carnivorous lunch special, he ran into Ryoga Hibiki, who had finally arrived after wandering around the world. After a decent fight, two chinese girls claiming to be Amazons showed up, one of whom claimed to be Ranma's wife.

And now, back to the action.

Furinkan High School

Ranma is busy bashing his head on a tree whilst the crowd and Amazon girls look on with sweatdrops on their foreheads.

"You know, my fist can do a better job if you really want to hurt yourself," Ryoga quips.

Ranma turns towards him with a glare. "Not now. First I got to deal with these 2."

A girl walks out from the crowd and taps him on the shoulder and asks "Nabiki wants to know if what the girl said is true."

Ranma blinks.

"About her being your wife."

Ranma facefaults.

"WHY THE HELL WOULD I BE MARRIED TO A GIRL WHO WANTS TO BEAT ME INTO THE GROUND!? I'M ONLY 17 AND A HALF, DAMN IT!" he shouts.

Perfume hops off the building, causing an impact crater when she lands, her companion following, but strangely, no impact resounds from her landing. The Amazon draws a second axe from behind her back, with a maniacal grin.

"Husband very very bad. Perfume will make sure you no run away again," she exclaims.

Ranma turns towards her. "Come on, can't we talk this out? I'm already in the middle of one fight."

"Perfume not care who is in way, amazons say 'obstacles are for killing'."

She charges towards Ranma with her axes, only for Ryoga to grab her arm and throw her aside.

"What!?" the surprised Amazon looks towards the man who threw her aside.

"I got dibs on him."

Perfume throws an axe at Ryoga, who draws his belt and deflects it aside.

"I've seen hell because of him!"

"Perfume not care if stupid boy see all 80 hells in King Yama's domain! Amazon claim trumps all others!"

Ranma whistles loudly. "Ryoga, this won't take long, we'll finish in abit. Besides, she wasn't that tough last time anyways."

Perfume, hearing the insults, turns red with fury. "Perfume was tired from stomach flu, you not beat her fairly!"

The other Chinese girl says something in Chinese. Perfumes yells back a curt reply.

"You catch that too?" Ryoga whispers to Ranma.

"Sorta, it's a weird dialect. I think she was asking where the other male is. You know Chinese too?" Ranma asks.

Ryoga shakes his head. "She actually said something about wasting time tracking down one husband, and letting the other one run away."

"Gang-way, coming through, pardon me."

A figure moves through the crowd, trying to get around the bodies. Ranma's eyes boggle out in surprise.

"POPS?!"

Aaron walks out to where Ranma and Ryoga are standing, and bops Ranma on the head.

"God damn it, you got suspended again? The Vice-Principal just called me on my cell!"

"Hey come on, old man, I did it for a good cause."

Aaron snorts. "Like?"

"Guy was a World War 2 fanatic. He threw me out for saying that Japan was almost as bad as the Nazis. The suspension was for flipping him off," Ranma says whilst shrugging non-chalantly.

Aaron scratches his chin. "I can't really fault you for this, but did you have to get suspended again?"

Ranma sighs. "Pops, if it's that big a deal, just talk to the Vice-Principal and get it rescinded. Guarantee they won't press it given how much of a loon that teacher is."

Perfume fumes in frustration. "HEY! IGNORING ME IS PERILOUS FOR IGNORANT MALE'S HEALTH!"

Aaron turns around, and then blanches. "Shit-balls... you could have told me they were here..."

Ranma pats him on the shoulder. "Have fun with your Amazon, pops," he says with a smile.

Aaron takes a solemn expression. "As stolen by Robin Williams, who paraphrased it from Porky Pig, 'Ya-ba-deeb-a-deeb-a-deeb-a-dee, piss off, dude.' "

Aaron then jumps into the air, yells 'Beep-beep!', sticks his tongue out, then hops over the fence. "So long screwy, see you in Saint Louie!"

Ryoga's jaw is hanging out. "That's your old man?"

Ranma nods.

"I feel your pain," the bandanna-boy declares soberly.

A blue blur rushes by them as the other girl hops over the fence in hot pursuit. "Shampoo is best tracker in village. Her husband will think twice about running away after she get through with him."

Ranma snickers in response.

"Husband think something funny?" the Amazon asks.

"Do you have any idea how many people that guy has managed to duck or get away from? Even I can't find him if he doesn't want to be found."

Perfume grips her axes tightly as her jaw quivers in suppressed rage. (God damn arrogant male! If he and his father hadn't intervered in the championship, I wouldn't be stuck in this god forsaken country hunting for a husband that I don't even want!)

Steam begins blasting out of Perfume's ears. "I hate this fucking country! I hate the shitty noodles! I hate the weak and obnoxious people! I hate the weird cartoons! I hate the patriarchal bullshit! And most of all, I hate you!" she screams in Chinese before lunging at Ranma.

Flipping to the side, Ranma narrowly evades her attack. In the crowd, Nabiki snickers.

"Ma'm, what was she screaming about?" one of her subordinates asks.

"I think she's having a bad time in Japan."

Ranma hops out of the way of a side-swipe. "Hey, c'mon, do we really have to do this all day? I have classes to get to."

Ryouga snorts. "Weren't you suspended? And since when do you run away from girls?"

Ranma has a large sweatdrop behind his head. "Well, it's not so much the girl, as I figured something out last time we fought, and I'd rather not...woah!"

Perfume with a shriek of fury, cleaves Ranma's shirt in half, drawing a thin line of blood. "Fight back, or die like the little male bitch that you are!"

Ranma's eyes narrow. "It's over."

Perfume rears back, her axe glowing with energy. "Perfume say it not over till..."

"I said it's OVER!" Ranma puts his hands together, creating a small space between them. Perfume throws her axe at Ranma, yelling something in Chinese as more Energy gathers in the martial artist's hands.

"HADOUKEN!"

He thrusts his hands forward and a large fireball of energy erupts at high speed towards Perfume. The axe and fireball collide and the axe is knocked aside, veering wildly towards a nearby tree. Perfume's eyes widen in shock, and she is hit directly by the Hadouken.

The impact of the hit blasts her backwards into the building, creating a meter wide crater, and knocking her unconscious. Ranma grimaces in pain as energy crackles around his arms.

Ryouga blinks. "Really? Hadouken?"

Ranma nods.

"Oyaji has an ingenius way of making those kind of techniques real. Problem is, it's too powerful. You get basically one shot, which hurts alot if it connects, but it fries your arms for awhile."

Ryouga pokes Ranma in the arm, causing him to tighten a fist in pain.

"Next time, I want to see what that feels like. You still have my cell number?"

Ranma facefaults. "You have a cell number?"

"Doesn't everyone?" Ryoga asks nonchalantly.

Ranma hangs his head in shame. "I almost never use mine. HEY WAIT A MINUTE! If you have a cell, why didn't you just call me if you wanted to find me?!"

Ryouga shrugs. "Phone chip got wet, had to reset it. I lost most of the numbers on there. I'm not sure I had yours to begin with."

Ranma looks to the sky, a thoughtful look on his face. "You think some kind of kami is using us for their own personal amusement?"

"You maybe. I'm probably just along for the ride."

Ranma stands up, unsteadily. "I'll give you a call in a week or so, maybe next time we'll settle this."

Ryouga puts out a hand. "Rivals?"

Ranma nods and grabs Ryouga's hand.

"Rivals."

FINIS. (The End)

SIKE!! What, you thought I was done? Heheheheheh, not quite. In fact, nowhere near. I'm just hard up for ideas. I'm finding it increasingly harder to stop myself from throwing continuity and logic out the window and just turning this into whatever I happen to be thinking of at the moment. Fear ecelectic authors, our references will drive you mad.

Aight, that's enough mad scientist. This is basically an extended author's note. I got jammed up because I'm getting tired of setting up the scene and characters. So I may just start throwing characters in at random with only momentary explanation. Or... I can stick to my current plan and keep weaving the current web, albeit with some divergences. Anyways, I promise that 75-80 of this will be explained. The rest you'll have to connect the dots yourself.

Review are appreciated, but for the love of god, do not give me advice on pairings. I do not write with any to begin with, and if something comes up, I'll run with it. Or just kill it after a chapter or 2 so I can drive my readers up the wall.

I realize it is veering dangerously close to canon, but take pity upon a poor author with limited means and a lousy internet connection. I promise to make it less comprehensible and possibly more AU.

I apologize for taking too long to update. I just couldn't figure out what to do about this chapter. So I ended it.


End file.
